✿Writing ✿

Note: This is not a blog post (hehe)

• ✿ Gumroad Membership ✿

  Writing    I've always had a love of writing but I'm really self conscious and anxious about things I create in general, and even more so with writing because of how much I love and enjoy it!! I've tried posting my writing publicly but I get so scared and shy and usually end up deleting it. I want to share my writing and I want to improve, get feedback, and meet other writers who also enjoy writing etc.With these thought's in mind, I started this blog because of my love of writing. The blog itself is generally going to be my general voice and casual thoughts or feelings about different topics. But I also wanted to publish my writing somewhere in a publicly private way which is what has prompted me to try out Gumroad again. On my Gumroad, I will be uploading PDF files of my writing; from poetry to dreams, flash stories, short stories, dream logs and maybe even possibly lyrics from my very personal, very secret lyric book.On my Gumroad there are four tiers (info listed below), each providing more content the higher the tier. If you would like to support me/my writing, I would love and appreciate any support! (Note: This is a great alternative for a Twitch sub if you follow me on there and are trying to move away from Twitch!)

✿Journal ✿

✿Otome Games✿

• ► Otome
• ► Common Terms
• ► More Info

Otome

  Otome    A story-based video game that is targeted towards women, the main idea/goal, is to develop a romantic relationship with a secondary lead character, a love interest that is usually male, by choosing dialogue or performing actions as the female main character.
  Synonyms    Maiden Game, Otoge, Reverse Harem

Common Terms

  ✿ MC ✿    Also known as the heroine, is the main character or protagonist of the game. In otome games, the MC is usually female.  ✿ LI ✿    Love Interest - The characters that the protagonist has a relationship with. In otome games, they are usually male.  ✿ OELVN ✿    Original English Language Visual Novel  ✿ CGs ✿    Computer Graphics - The reward image that is unlocked when completing a specific scene or requirement. It is usually full screen and highly stylized, featuring the MC and her chosen LI in a specific pose or situation.  ✿ VN ✿    Visual Novel - Like otome, this is a general term for any story based game. Most if not all otome games are visual novels but not all visual novels are otome games.  ✿ FD ✿    Fandisk or Fan Disc, is supplemental content released to supplement an existing game. FDs can feature additional storylines, CGs, music, minigames, etc; anything that expands on an existing game title.  ✿ BGM ✿    Background Music - It’s the music that plays throughout the game.  ✿ Routes ✿    Storylines/situations specific to a particular love interest or ending/outcome. Some games have multiple routes each with their own branching storylines, while others feature a more linear plot progression.  ✿ Good End/Bad End ✿    Final outcomes for a game or route. Some games/routes may have one end, while others have multiple obtainable endings (Good, Bad, Normal, Alone, etc.).

More Info

MC or heroine is a character that serves as the in-game proxy for the player, typically these characters don’t have a well-defined personality or backstory allowing the player to superimpose themselves into the game through her.Players alter the course of the story by making decisions in the form of various action and dialogue choices that appear at regular intervals throughout the story.“Correct” choices will result in a favorable outcome, a Good/Happy End, with the players chosen love interest, while “incorrect” choices will result in an unfavorable outcome, a Bad End.Occasionally games will also have a “normal” ending. Some games feature a route-based system, where players can romance one love interest at a time, while the other love interests are regulated to supporting cast members.While other games feature a free for all gameplay style where in-game choices are used to determine which character you end up with at the end of the game rather than just the quality of the ending. This means who you romance or who you end up with at the end of the route is dependent on your dialogue choices and whose affection you have raised based on your choices.Some otome games also have a locked romanceable character route (sometimes secret, sometimes not) that is only unlocked and playable after a certain milestone like unlocking ALL CG’s, completing every route for all LI's, or playing at least one route for each LI.Typically these “secret routes” are either canon characters (that are usually the most popular) OR they are the “rip your heart out” route where you question reality, ask god if he exists, and hope it’s over quickly 😊

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✿Otome Games✿

• ► Otome

Otome

  Blog    Now that some of the basics are out of the way, welcome to my little otome blog! It’s going to be a single blog, short and sweet, detailing my love of otome games and a regularly updating list of otome games that I know of! If you ever have any questions, message me anywhere!I’m not sure WHEN or how I fell into otome games but one day I suddenly had 10 otomes in my backlog and it all started with the PS Vita!! The one thing I will never regret is finding a lone PS Vita, the last one in stock, due to be phased out of production and sale in a matter of days, and impulse purchasing it. My journey of love for otome games started there!My first ever otome game was probably Amnesia and I’m 50% sure I never finished it but by then, I think I KNEW I had started something I could never return from. For the most part, I was casual about it until I bought my second ever otome, Collar X Malice (which is my favorite to this day). After finishing ALL the routes in CXM, I knew I was in trouble (my wallet mostly). My second otome game was Code Realize which is equally as good but I think CXM has a special place in my heart.And as much as I love Collar X Malice, I would not recommend it as your FIRST otome game. If I were to recommend ANY otome game I would say Amnesia is a good start as it’s simple, straightforward, and not intense enough to really drive away from the otome elements (don’t quote me on this I never finished it). And as at weird as it is, Hatoful Boyfriend is another good one if you can get past all the pigeons (I did).If you are here for mobile game recommendations, I am sorry to say that I don’t have any besides Mystic Messenger! After trying a few mobile games and needing to grind hours upon hours or spending micro-transactions to buy points or different routes, I was just personally deterred from the mobile platform and I ended up sticking to full games on Vita, PC, and Switch.As an otome lover with a backlog in the millions (fake), my personal style/process of completing a game is first going into the game fresh and baby eyed (not reading any playthroughs or suggested route order etc). As any person would with a new game wanting no spoilers! This allows me to personally experience the game without any outside knowledge or influence. I leave my fate up to the otome gods and hope I get a cute romantic ending.After my first playthrough I hopefully I have a grasp of all the characters and have a list in my mind of which characters I want to play through first and I will look up walkthroughs for each character (normally walkthroughs have dialogue choices for each desired ending).Depending on the game, I will play each character’s route in full by playing ALL their endings (good, bad, normal). On the rarer side, I will play all of the good endings of every character in full, then all the normal endings of each character, then all the bad endings (but man going through all the bad endings at once is NOT FUN, so I normally don’t do this or I’ll just stop playing the game LMAO – disrespectfully looks at Dramatical Murder).I will say though, I talk a lot about how much I love otome games but after Collar X Malice and Code Realize, I haven’t played or finished a game since and I’m hoping to change that soon!My fear of “missing out” on content creation and wanting to play the game but not stream it but not wanting to play it unless I made content really put me off from playing them again and I’m hoping blogging and reviewing will help me with that slump!I think that’s all the word vomit I have for now on Otome Games! If you want to know more or have any specific questions, message me on any platform!

Games & Platforms

✿Favorites✿

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✿Academic Journey ✿

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✿Academic Journey ✿

• ► Definitions
• ► Academia

Definitions

  PMDD    Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
Causes severe irritability, anger, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and extreme mood shifts that can disrupt work and damage relationships.

Academia

  Blog    My entire life I’ve dealt with mental health issues, and I feel a lot of that translated into apathy over major milestones in my life. I was anxious and afraid of getting my license, applying to college, starting college, continuing my degree, etc.After high school, I spent a year mentally resting before finally getting my license and applying to my local community college that same year. It took me 4 years to get my associates (yep, that long). From retaking classes because my mental health got in the way of my studies to poor planning and taking all of my science and math classes at the same time. It was stressful and took a while, but I got there.After getting my associates, I immediately went job hunting to get at least some experience. I got my first job when I was 23. Coincidentally, I was able to take my first trip abroad, Japan, at the ripe age of 24, while I had my first job. My second job I got months after my first job ended, at 25, which only lasted around 3 months (they closed down in the end). Both of these positions were contract jobs obtained through a temp agency.By the end of my second job (and a little during), I had an extreme bout of severe depression/PMDD and then the pandemic hit. I was sleeping on a blow up mattress (I was in the middle of refurnishing my bedroom) and spent most of every day lying on a blow up mattress in the darkness of my room. I’m thankful for Twitch and Animal Crossing New Horizons. Once March came around, a friend invited me to a gaming community where we spent entire days playing ACNH together into the mornings and this brought me out of my mental health spiral.However, despite that, the pandemic was still raging on, and my mental health was still unstable (albeit not as bad). My mental health, coupled with the pandemic, being in charge of lawsuits, social security applications, and doctor appointments for my parents, among other things, had me spending the better part of 3 years holed up in my house occasionally job searching (with no results), or streaming when my mental health allowed me.

I’ve always loved learning. I love school, learning new things, taking notes, doing homework, writing papers, and many parts of school in general. It’s fun, rewarding, and fulfilling. I would get depressed when I thought about how much I wanted to go to school. I applied MULTIPLE times to various universities close to home over multiple years, from the time I graduated from community college until the start of the pandemic. Although I was rejected by most of them, I was accepted by ONE. The plot twist was that I couldn’t afford it.I didn’t get the best grades in school, but I was smart and still am. I now recognize that many of my difficulties in school stemmed from how my mental health affected my energy levels and ability to focus. This led to suboptimal GPAs, test scores, and more. Not to mention not having any extracurriculars due to living in the middle of nowhere with no public transit (my family worked late also). That meant my options for universities were limited.A lot of my subsequent anxiety and depression was also related to my inability to find ways to get back into college to finish my degree. I had very specific majors I wanted to study and there were only so many schools nearby that offered my major (Neuroscience). Not only could I not afford it, I couldn’t find universities that would accept my GPA. I had given up at some point but it was always in the back of my mind, gnawing.Fortunately, after another bad bout of PMDD/depression, getting COVID, having a tonsillitis/sepsis scare, being bedridden from mental and physical health issues and more, I ended up impulse applying to a university nearby, got accepted, and officially started classes.Although I was unable to move closer to take the required in person classes (science and language), I was able to take many other classes online. I wasn’t technically able to afford tuition and paid a good amount my first semester. I’ve been terrified of taking out student loans due to family experiences with them but caved and took out subsidized loans for the rest of my semesters, allowing me to attend with no money out of pocket.(Yes, I have tried to apply for scholarships but I get overwhelmed. I’ve applied to hundreds with 0 luck. Even as a first generation student :) I gave up, haha help.)I am currently still attending this university with plans to potentially transfer to a marginally closer university for my next semester (currently applying, fingers crossed I get in). For now that has been my journey through higher education/education. I’m still unemployed and dealing with mental health but I’m excited to be doing my best with higher education and pursuing my bachelors!

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✿Self-Care & Mindfulness ✿

• Self-Care
• Mindfulness
• Herbalism
• Growth
• Coping

Blog

  Blog    This is gonna be less of a blog and more of just blocks of lists on how I take care of myself and my mental health. Mental health is hard and coping with mental health is even harder, especially when you have other life obligations. Mental health is the culmination of many things including inherent biology and even your environment or physical health. I’m personally not the best at self-care or understanding my emotions but I’ve been learning. I hope to go back to this blog and remind myself of what I can do when days get hard! These lists may be things that personally help me but I am writing them in second person to make them more generalizable. I am not putting trigger warnings on this blog because this is less about specific mental health issues themselves and more about ways in which I personally take care of myself (that may or may not work for you).

Self-Care

✿Self-Care & Mindfulness ✿

• Self-Care
• Mindfulness
• Herbalism
• Growth
• Coping

Mindfulness

  What is it?   
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment, without judging or trying to change it. This involves observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without getting caught up in them.  Benefits   
Decreased depression and anxiety. Greater satisfaction in relationships. Improved memory and focus. Less overthinking or obsessing. Improved resilience to stress. Improved ability to manage emotions. Center your thoughts. Improve your overall sense of well-being.  R.A.I.N.   
Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture.
R - Let yourself feel at ease in the present moment. Slowly take in your surroundings. Recognize your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.
A - Let your thoughts, feelings, and sensations come and go as they are. Let go of any judgment—it is okay to feel however you are feeling.
I - What words are going through your mind? What emotions are you feeling, and where are they coming from? Sense the most vulnerable part of yourself and reflect on what it needs (acceptance, forgiveness, love, or belonging).
N - Be kind toward your experience. Give yourself a comforting message (I love you, you are okay). Think of a friend, family member, pet, or spiritual figure, and imagine their love flowing to you. Let in healing and compassion until you feel calm and centered.  Grounding   
Name as many things as you can in a category (Movies, Countries, Books, Cereals, Colors, Fruits, Veggies, Animals, Cities, TV Shows).
Count backwards from any number until you are grounded.
Think of an object and draw it in your mind or in the air.
Name all the objects you see.Take three slow, deep breaths. Continue to be mindful and kind to yourself throughout your day.

Meditation

During this exercise, you will visualize yourself resting near a stream. Whenever thoughts enter your mind, you will imagine placing them atop a leaf, and watching as they float away. Instead of seeing the world from “inside” your thoughts, you will take a step back and view them from afar. By doing so, you will gain perspective on your thoughts and feelings, reducing their power. With regular practice, the leaves on a stream exercise will become easier, and its positive effects more powerful.Find a quiet place, get into a comfortable position, close your eyes, take slow, deep breaths.  Visualize   
Imagine you are resting by the side of a stream. This scene can look however you like. Use all your senses to imagine what the stream and its surroundings look like, the sound of the water and other ambiance, the physical sensations, and anything else that comes to mind.  Meditate   
Your objective during this exercise is simply to focus on the stream. When distractions enter your mind, such as thoughts or feelings, take a moment to notice them without judgment. For example, if you are distracted by other obligations, notice and acknowledge to yourself: “I am thinking about my to-do list.”  Manage Your Thoughts   
After taking a moment to observe a thought or feeling, return your attention to the stream. Place your thought upon a leaf. You might imagine writing the thought on the leaf or attaching it in some other way. Place the leaf in the water and watch it float down the stream until it disappears.  Practice   
Continue visualizing the stream, simply observing and releasing any thoughts that enter your mind. There is nothing else you need to do. You may set a timer for 10-15 minutes to know when practice concludes.Treat all of your thoughts and feelings the same, whether comfortable, uncomfortable, or neutral. The goal is to become aware of your experience—not to change or improve it.

✿Self-Care & Mindfulness ✿

• Self-Care
• Mindfulness
• Herbalism
• Growth
• Coping

Tea & Herbalism

  Blog    I'm not a professional in any of these fields (tea, herbalism, naturopathy, holistic medicine, traditional medicine, general complementary and alternative medicine, etc). My knowledge on these topics stem from my own ailments and my desire to help my body’s own natural healing processes along through the use of herbalism or traditional medicine or to use the natural properties of food, herbs, etc. to help my body recover or heal.My knowledge is not founded through any formal knowledge or official learning institutions but simply learned through family knowledge or google university (hehe). If you are curious, my interests in these fields have been garnered through my own personal fears of addiction and reluctance to take medications (including ibuprofen and acetaminophen).Be warned that herbs, teas, and foods CAN counteract or create adverse effects with any medications, supplements, or other herbs you may be taking. Always ask your doctor first or even do a google search. When in doubt, ask a professional. Odds are they already know, can easily look it up, or other people have had the same inquiry. Always make sure!

✿Self-Care & Mindfulness ✿

• Self-Care
• Mindfulness
• Herbalism
• Growth
• Coping

Growth Practices

These practices can reduce stress, empower you, and help you grow emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Understand you can’t always do things alone and sometimes you need guidance from a mental health professional. You can cultivate a more compassionate and supportive internal dialogue. Recognize your worth, celebrating your strengths, and gently guide yourself through moments of doubt or difficulty with kindness and understanding.

Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life can help manage stress levels and prevent burnout.

Gratitude

✿Self-Care & Mindfulness ✿

• Self-Care
• Mindfulness
• Herbalism
• Growth
• Coping

Ways to Cope

Supporting Your Friends

Resources

✿(Shrug). Happens. ✿

• ► Happens.

  Blog    Do you ever have specific unique experiences that continually happen to you no matter the situation? And I’m asking about unique experiences, nothing to do with other people’s effects on the world/you or being clumsy or other people being creeps.Things like you always set off security monitors (I had this happen a lot to me at one point in my life - It was a false alarm [heh]…My coat had a tag that was supposed to be removed). Or maybe certain animals gravitate you? Maybe you affect the weather patterns?I think in most cases people don’t pay attention to things like this and either don’t think about it at all or just chalk it up to silly little coincidences.BUT NOT ME.A little mini background about me, I’m still living at home with my parents and I have been unemployed since 2020 (it’s rough out there). This means that I don’t get many reasons to go out if I ever do. (It’s giving hermit vibes.)_{ANYWAY. To continue…}When I tell you I am a literal black cloud (but a small one because it’s not THAT bad). Almost every time I need to go anywhere, the precipitation is almost guaranteed. I mean I’m glad it’s not every time? Thankfully it’s not some omnipotent power determined to literally rain on my parade.If I were to give examples:
  Mexico 1.0   
We had a two week vacation and then a tropical storm hit in our first week. It flooded the streets and we couldn’t go anywhere for a week. It lasted until a day or two before we had to leave.  California   
Drought stricken, I brought the clouds of thunder and rain. Yes, it rained. Days (maybe weeks) after I left, they were plagued by flooding. I take no responsibility.  Mexico 2.0   
Also drought stricken. I too brought the same here. After we left, days later (yes, actually), a hurricane hit where we were staying :’)

Besides these very specific instances (I don’t travel much, honestly). It also happens in my daily life (albeit not all the time). Of course I can’t will it to rain either. Rain is rain and it’ll fall when it wants to, my travel patterns or personal will excluded.Side Note (and this is very important):
I’m a ball of anxiety and hate driving but hate driving EVEN MORE if it’s raining (extra extra worse if it’s a thunderstorm or snow).ANYWAY, I’m very suspicious of the fact that we will have DROUGHT conditions for months on end, only for it to rain (or snow, yep) the ONE day I need to go out for an appointment. In most cases I will just cancel and reschedule if the rain is bad enough (or ask one of my family members to drive me because I’m actually a child). But normally I just reschedule. The next few days? Sunny and beautiful. My rescheduled appointment comes back around? Rain (or snow). I had this happen EXACTLY like this AT LEAST 5 TIMES. WITH SNOW. IT WOULD MELT THE NEXT DAY. NOT SNOW AGAIN UNTIL MY NEXT APPOINTMENT._{I have feelings [too] (many of them anxiety). @MotherNature}I really do love my storms but why must I suffer? (Rhetorical; don't answer that). Cant you rain (or snow) when I’m cozy in bed so I can watch horror (or Christmas) movies?As a last tidbit:
I did go to Japan once too but I think we got really lucky. It only rained a few days (I honestly think it was only one day but it’s been a bit - can’t remember). Guess which day it rained 🥰 (The day my group and I went go-kart driving around the city).I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse (I’m going with blessing). But maybe it doesn’t help that rain and storms are some of my favorite weather patterns.

✿Reviews ✿ - Wip

I'm more of a blogger than a reviewer so for other reviews, check the   footer   for my   tracker profiles   where I occasionally write   short silly reviews  !